“It is over. Lilith has Sam. She has the Grail. On Friday night she will open the doors to Heaven and walk right in, and that will be the end of everything.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying this!” Dean said and shoved himself up from the table. “After all we’ve done — after all the people we’ve lost — you’re just giving up?”

“I don’t know what more there is to do, Dean!” Castiel said. “I have no orders! I have nothing to guide me!” He looked down again, shaking his head. “I brought you here to heal. What happens next, I do not know.”

“I have to find Sam, that’s what happens next.”

Castiel said quietly, “I know where he is. I have no way to reach him until Lilith brings him back to the mortal plain.”

“Oh.” Dean sat at the table again, feeling defeated. “Where is he?”

The look Castiel gave him was so painful and hopeless that Dean said, “I don’t want to know.”

“No. You do not.”

“So . . . I just stay here until then, right? And then when Lilith is within reach again I’ll go fight her, right?”

Castiel did not answer for a moment or two, and then said softly, toying with his mug, “I do not know how you will win that fight.”

“Neither do I, but I’m still going to do it.” Castiel looked at him and then looked down at his mug. Dean said, “Cas.”

“I do not want to send you to your death, Dean.”

Dean rubbed his forehead a moment, watching Castiel stare at his mug. “Is it that hopeless?”

“I do not wish to lose you.” He looked out the arched window at whatever was out in the darkness.

“If there was a way,” Dean whispered, “would you stay with me?”

“I would like to,” he said softly. “I would like to stay here for quite some time. Wouldn’t that be a lovely life? You and I, away from questions and judgment, just –” He stopped himself and drank more milk.

“Loving each other,” Dean said. Castiel didn’t look up but Dean could see the muscles in his throat flex as he swallowed. “I should have said this before. I know. I should have said it when you did but I wasn’t ready. I’m ready now.”

“Ready for what?” Castiel said softly, still not looking up.

“To say I love you.” Castiel closed his eyes, but Dean went on anyway. “I know it’s hopeless. I know we don’t have a future together. I know you don’t want to do anything physical ’cause you’re in another man’s body. I know all that. I don’t care. I love you.”

“You’re just saying this because I saved your life,” Castiel said.

Dean got up from his chair and went around the table, took Castiel’s face in his hands and kissed him. Castiel gripped his wrists and kissed him back, his lips parting at the touch of Dean’s tongue. His hands slid up Dean’s arms and down Dean’s body to his hips. He pulled Dean onto his lap, and Dean laughed and straddled his thighs and kissed him deeper. He rubbed circles into Castiel’s temples with his fingertips and stroked his thumbs over Castiel’s cheekbones, played chase with their tongues and breathed in Castiel’s breath.

All the while Castiel barely made a sound but his hands clung to Dean’s hips as if he couldn’t bring himself to let go even to touch Dean more.

Far too soon, Castiel turned his face away and dropped his hands from Dean’s hips. Dean made a frustrated sound and held onto Castiel’s face, their foreheads leaning together, and inhaled the sweet, reassuring scent of Castiel’s skin. He whispered, “It’s not just because you saved my life. Not just because of everything you’ve given me or shown me I could do. Cas, I don’t fall for guys, but I’ve fallen for you and –”

“Stop,” Castiel whispered, hands on Dean’s arms. “Please stop. I can’t bear it.”

Dean stroked Castiel’s hair, soft between his fingers, and said, “Tell me to get off you if you really want me to stop.”

Castiel closed his eyes as if it hurt to look at him. “No. I don’t want you to stop.” He wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist and pulled him closer. “I want you right here.” He caught Dean’s lips with his, more of a whisper than a kiss, but it was good enough for Dean.

He kissed Castiel slowly, his thumb tracing Castiel’s sharp cheekbone, and then twisted around and snagged a grape from the bowl. He held it to Castiel’s lips and Castiel ate it, eyes never leaving Dean’s; and when Dean kissed him again Castiel’s mouth tasted even sweeter.

“You need to eat,” Castiel whispered and picked up a slice of bread from his own plate.

“I’m not hungry anymore,” Dean said. “I’m too happy.”

Castiel chuckled. “Nonetheless, eat. I told the sisters I would feed you when you woke.”

“Well, if you promised the sisters . . .” He held Castiel’s wrist and ate from his hand, kissing him sometimes between bites. He got a kiss for every grape he ate and every bite of bread and sip of milk, and sometimes was even rewarded with the sight of Castiel’s smile.