“Why didn’t you tell me Sam was using his powers again? The demon mojo? It’s only going to make things worse for him, Cas.”

“I know.” Castiel leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands “You had just learned you started the Apocalypse. I thought you didn’t need more bad news.”

“Right,” Dean said, “so instead I had to find it out from a — whatever the hell the Green Knight is –”

“I believe he is a fertility god,” Castiel said. “It is hard to tell sometimes, with the old ones.”

“Well, you know, I really don’t care what kind of god he is because he could have cut off my head.”

“You were safe there,” Castiel said gravely.

“You’ve got a weird definition of safe.” Dean sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Why can’t we just leave the Grail there? He said he was a Grail guardian once.”

“Yes, in a very dark time,” Castiel said. “The Earth is better when it is here.”

Dean dropped his hand. “The Earth is a craphole, Cas.”

Castiel gazed at him steadily. “Imagine how much worse it would be if the Grail were gone.”

“Stop the Apocalypse,” Dean muttered, “save the world. Same old song and dance.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, “tell me how you feel when you hold the Cup.”

“I feel . . . good. I feel really good. I feel like somebody loves me.” He looked away, embarrassed.

“A great many people do love you, Dean. Myself, your brother, your family, people that you have helped and saved.”

“And what about all the people that I’ve failed?” Dean said bitterly. “Do they curse my name?”

“I am not concerned with the people you have failed.”

“Look,” Dean said, holding up his hands, “you can tell me all you want that love is all you need and whatever, but I –” He stopped and rubbed his mouth. “I’m going to die doing this. Aren’t I? Tell me the truth.”

“I don’t know,” Castiel said. “I hope not.”

“Great,” Dean said. “You hope not. That’s just great.”

“If you do, it is because I have failed you.” Dean looked at him, and Castiel said quietly, “You will not face this alone, Dean. It may be only you and me against all the forces of Hell, but we will give them a good fight.”

“You can’t die,” Dean said. “Kind of takes away the intention, I think.”

“They can still hurt me,” Castiel said, his gaze dropping. “And they will. Dean. I am alone in this. My superiors no longer contact me. My brothers scorn me. Anna is rogue — I cannot rely on her. I am doing what I can with what I know and what help is offered, but not even the Fisher sisters know everything.”

“Yeah, and who are they again? Maya talks in riddles when I ask her. She’s as bad as you.”

Castiel smiled faintly. “We ineffable creatures like our aura of mystery.”

“You like it too much, if you ask me.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Cas. Look. I know you want to stick around and comfort me or whatever, but I really want to be alone.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yeah. I’m certain. I just need to think.” He had to be honest. “And I am so pissed at you.”

“I see,” Castiel said softly, lowering his gaze. “Because of Sam.”

“Yeah. Because of Sam.”

Castiel stood, and said, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “For what it’s worth, I would rather stay.” There was a flutter of wings and he was gone.

Dean sat there a moment, hating his life with every cell in his body, then threw off his clothes and crawled under the covers. He turned out the light, glad to be enveloped in the dark.

***

Dean woke abruptly. It was still dark out, and for a moment he couldn’t think of what could have disturbed his sleep — and then he felt the walls shake.

He climbed out of bed and knelt in front of the window to peer through the blinds. The window looked down at the street, and as Dean watched he could see a large dark shape nosing around the cars and trees. His eyes couldn’t make sense of it — it looked sometimes like a man, sometimes like . . . he had no idea what. It was heavy enough that each footstep reverberated up the brick walls from the sidewalk, and even three floors up Dean could smell its gamey stench.

It raised its head and Dean’s eyes widened when he saw the curled horns and outline of a muzzle, like an enormous ox of prehistoric size. It seemed to sniff the air, and Dean pressed himself against the wall, away from the window, and prayed it couldn’t smell him from the street.

The walls trembled as the beast continued on down the street, until finally it faded away.

Dean wiped his hand over his face, not surprised to find that he was sweating, and then crawled back into bed. It took him a long time to fall asleep again.

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